Letters to the Bouncy Banker...

Letters to the Bouncy Banker...
...from a struggling artiste.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Second Report From Fairyland

In Tooth Fairy Land today a series of unusual developments had locals initially up in arms and then, moments later, cheering as the full story unfolded. It appears J, serial victim of haphazard Tooth Remuneration Standards, is finally standing up for himself. In an earlier report we shared the confounding story of a coin that could barely be called a coin, a coin caked in mud, a coin some declared “actually an old tin button” or "actually a bent up, rusty nail" which, in an act of desperation was placed under J’s pillow in exchange for one of his finer baby incisors. Furthermore there was a note purportedly written by a tooth fairy. You no doubt can imagine the shock waves that rippled through our community at the time. In this fraudulent note the coin was described as fairy coinage of indescribable, unknowable value, and, though inadequate to the task nonetheless proof of a worthy attempt at fair exchange for the unquestionably unique and priceless tooth. The perpetrator was later revealed to be none other than the father who, finding himself in cash flow straits had hoped in this way to evade the inevitable and righteous wrath of his son. Instead he only succeeded in causing great upset in the tooth fairy community who found his actions highly offensive.

The good news is that today, upon the removal of his son’s last baby teeth, said father did finally make amends. He did this by promising to give his son the T-Mobile cell phone upgrade he’d been itching for all summer. Let us hope he makes good on his promise. He also took the family out to a local Five Guys Famous Burger joint.

If only more parents would so take on the responsibility of paying their offspring on time for their fallen milk teeth we in Tooth Fairy Land would not be in the midst of this, possibly the worst financial crisis our generation has witnessed.

Since this report first aired it has been revealed that J’s father failed once again despite promises made to respond appropriately to the resulting TUP (tooth Under Pillow) situation, and so disappointed his son yet again. In the poor fellow’s defense it should be made clear that when he was thirteen years of age he was lucky if he got more than a dime per tooth. Runaway inflation plus the bubble bursting have all contributed to our current fiscal disaster. J did finally walk away with ten more dollars to put in his tin box. The father however remains perplexed by how his good intentions inevitably go awry. So why were the locals cheering? Surrounded as we are with so much bad news the truth is that one transaction, however dysfunctional it may appear, if honestly completed, is a victory, a victory we can all truly relish.

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