Letter to the FA 1

I wanted to share this wonderful poem with you. It is a DADA or MERZ poem by  Kurt Schwitters, non-sensical to some ears but to others it is language at its purest. I'd dare to compare it to the linguistic acrobatics of, and poetical license taken by, the banking industry and the financial sector in general.
Take a moment to listen to my rendition of the Jabberwock by Lewis Carroll. (Poem to come) If you imagine the Jabberwock as, for example, the Banks, or as credit card offers even, you can quickly see how Art can aid in deconstructing the language of money. In a further audio sample I read my own recent poem, Structured Investment Vehicles, a poem of which I am very proud. (Poem to come). Somehow I feel it will bring me ever closer to the financial advisors who are so dilligently working on my mounting debts as we speak. Please enjoy.

Yours sincerely,

Kristian (with a "K").

PS—You know what? I'm giving myself a new last name—poetic license and all—Kristian Witherkay. I think it has a dignified ring.

Letter to the Bank #31

Dear BM,

I’m kind of on a roll—so many ideas! I’ve decided that these letters I’ve been writing have a certain je ne sais quoi. I do hope I’ve spelt that right. Unlike you guys I am not a linguistic acrobat. Anyway this leads me to my next point. Despite the dearth of responses to my letters from your otherwise (I am sure) amicable self I am considering trying to “monetize” my letters, my blog. I am not quite sure how it works. You’re the financial wizard, not me! What I do know is this: If I press a certain button (in the guts of my blog) people will (I should say might) start advertising their products on The Bouncy Banker. Wouldn't that be nice! Wouldn’t it be funny if I started making money from the very financial institutions I am critiquing, gently poking fun at, lampooning, mocking, trying very hard to ridicule and shame, acting like a little David trying with his pen, his sharpened computer mouse, to bring down the Methuselahs of Finance,(they’ve all been around for ever haven't they and will be forever more so what do I think I am doing? Getting my diminutive ire off my hairless chest?), the Goliaths of Insurance, the Rasputins of the Mortgage industry (a peg or two), trying to shame or at least spotlight, shine a torch on, the immoral, unscrupulous, heartless, unthinking, soulless practices that have brought the world to its very knees. Of course I do this in the spirit of one who cannot absolve himself of his own failed responsibilities, one who saw dollars in the cracked foundations of his own home. I am not quite ready to press that button yet. Thing is this is a lot of work and it would be nice to get paid especially as the kids are in dire need of new lunch boxes. But the question remains: Is it moral to make money from a, some might say, rather angry blog? That is my problem right there: I have scruples.

Yours sincerely,

KC

PS—Maybe this letters does demonstrate a certain flair for, as I put it, linguistic acrobatics, though nothing in it is half as good as “structured investment vehicles”. That is gorgeous. I could say it again and again. In fact I think I will…

PPs—I just really liked these pictures of Methuselah Trees. I'd never heard of them before but are they not striking? Striking is good, right?

Letter to the Bank #29

Dear BM,

You guys are Alchemical geniuses! Wow! Buying up and packaging life insurance policies sold by ill and elderly people sounds like a brilliant idea—a little sinister—but brilliant. The sooner they die the better…right? I’ve yet to see a name for this and you know how much I enjoy the names you come up with for your phantom products. I wonder if the tailors who made the invisible clothes for that gullible king had a name for their product?

I’ve just come across the term re-remics. Who came up with that? I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again—you guys are linguistic acrobats. That said re-remics is a bit cumbersome—not poetic in the least though better, I suppose, than re-securitization of real estate mortgage investment conduits, though if you say that very fast it kind of trips off the tongue quite nicely. What does it mean? Still it is good to hear that new exotic investments are emerging on Wall Street once more. I miss the more fantastic terminologies you all come up with. Among my favorites are: structured investment vehicles, collateralized debt obligations and, of course, credit-default swaps. Swapping, bartering, these are things we can all relate to. I recently exchanged a couple of books of John Berger’s brilliant essays on Art and Culture for a train ticket. My daily commute gets so expensive but enough of me.

You all keep up the good work.

Sincerely,

KC

PS—Remember you don’t have much time left before the government begins to crimp your natural style, your laissez faire attitude, with increased financial regulation. You should hire some out of work English teachers to help you with the wording.

PSS—I enclose an offer to reduce my mortgage payments. As my most trusted financial advisor what do you think? Is it legit?