Not Real!

Letter to the Bank #48

Dear Bullrider,

As a self confessed financial neophyte I must confess this letter writing campaign of mine has been good for me, if nobody else. The feedback has been nonexistent. There is something to be said for getting things off one’s chest but this has also become for me a crash course in understanding the world of finance. I am becoming (lord save us) a self taught financial expert. There are many more like me out there—people who barely knew how to balance their check books, had no understanding of how to finance a mortgage, and certainly no comprehension of what caused the Big Meltdown, or what those big, strange words you all used meant—who are now waking up to a new and frightening reality: A multitude of us now see  there is no safety net to speak of any more and that pursuing any interests besides those of acquiring money (by any means necessary) is an ass’s game. Painting for example, who needs painting? Who needs Art or creativity? Workers? What are they? Machines are easier to deal with so the machines will come. So now we are joining your game. If that sends shivers up your spine it probably should though our expertise may prove no more dubious than yours in the long run. Frightening for you is the possibility that we may even attempt to exercise good judgement, fair practice, and mat attempt to make our transactions ethical. Our arrival presages a change of language in the banking sector. Gaining real Trust might make a come back as a winning formula. Aware as we now are of the condescending viewpoint of the bankers on high we’ll tread warily. Given that they tend to regard us all as poor fools I do think it rather kind of me to point out this thing they may not have noticed: A flood, a tsunami of self taught financial wizards is pouring onto the trading floor because, with rising joblessness, and most available jobs failing to pay enough to even cover basic health insurance costs, a tide of humanity is betting on one last great gamble—playing the bankers at their own game. Armed with creativity and a willingness to work, actually work, who knows? Some of them might just find a crack in the system through which to squeeze and so be in a position to unseat the unscrupulous souls at the top.

Yours sincerely,

 Kristian Art Witherkay, financial neophyte

Financial Advice From a Numerically Dyslexic Artist-2

Ever with an eye for the main chance my latest advice for fiscally embarrassed artists everywhere:

Make Art! Why? Because, and I know we all forget this at times, Art is worth more than money. Hope this was helpful.

Financial Advice From a Numerically Dyslexic Artist-1

Don't buy anything but necessities.
Barter when possible.
To satisfy those consumerist urges attend yard sales, car boot sales. stoop sales and Estate Sales. Make sure you buy at least one thing pertaining to your passionate interests...then pass it on.

Letter to the FA 1

I wanted to share this wonderful poem with you. It is a DADA or MERZ poem by  Kurt Schwitters, non-sensical to some ears but to others it is language at its purest. I'd dare to compare it to the linguistic acrobatics of, and poetical license taken by, the banking industry and the financial sector in general.
Take a moment to listen to my rendition of the Jabberwock by Lewis Carroll. (Poem to come) If you imagine the Jabberwock as, for example, the Banks, or as credit card offers even, you can quickly see how Art can aid in deconstructing the language of money. In a further audio sample I read my own recent poem, Structured Investment Vehicles, a poem of which I am very proud. (Poem to come). Somehow I feel it will bring me ever closer to the financial advisors who are so dilligently working on my mounting debts as we speak. Please enjoy.

Yours sincerely,

Kristian (with a "K").

PS—You know what? I'm giving myself a new last name—poetic license and all—Kristian Witherkay. I think it has a dignified ring.

Letter to the Bank #19

Dear Banks,

Do you remember when I'd send you a letter that began: Dear BM, and you could be sure it was an expression of my affection? I came across one of these the other day and thought you might enjoy it. To me it is something of a curiosity. Is it possible that I once felt this way?

Dear BM (you old goat you),

Do you know how comforting it is to have one’s very own Bank Manager, an individual dedicated to the guarding of one’s assets, whose only concern is to see them grow and flourish? To know that any time I need you I can be sure to find you at your shiny, dust free desk (god I love the smell of Pledge), and can count on you to direct my accounts, manage my portfolios, and guide those assets to their full potential, and that you will do so with a dedicated, personal touch that is light but ever reassuring. To know that my money has been cosseted from the cradle and so will be all the way to the grave. Let me tell you nothing brings me greater peace of mind. That warm sense of security, and of trust, that I carry within me is fully shared by my family, and the appreciation we feel is heartfelt.

Yours most sincerely,

K

The letter isn’t dated but then none of them are. It is one of a large bundle I came across, each of them, believe it or not, hand typed and signed in fountain pen in that beautiful aquamarine ink it is so hard to find these days. Some I believe were sent and I kept copies, and others I know were returned. I guess personnel changed, and banks got bought up by other banks—and so on and so forth.

One thing is clear—the personal connection has been lost! But I for one will not give up! I’ll shake you by the shoulders, or pour cold water over you, whatever it takes to make you notice me once more!

Sincerely hoping there is someone home,

K

The Narrow Bridge

If you want useful information about handling your finances during the current economic permafrost do check out the Narrow Bridge, now in my links list. Personally I am so paralyzed by debt I can only laugh but when I can come up for air this would be my first port of call. Anya Kamenetz responds to a hailstorm of concerns and provides a list of other links and blogs of use. She also offers links to her chats with Brian Lehrer on WNYC.

Ways to save Money PART1

Guilty of saving money!
One way to save your money is to give yourself your own haircut! It is easy! Take one pair of scissors, preferably hair cutting scissors and begin! Be sure your work area is clear otherwise hair gets all over the place! This young man cut his own hair, (though it must be admitted under some duress. Nonetheless he has a stylish haircut!

Now there is the argument that this young man, by cutting his own hair, is undermining the economy. By not spending and by not supporting his local hairdresser he is not consuming. I personally think we will all continue to spend quite a lot and need no further encouragement to do so! SO when we do strive to save, and pay down debts, it is only to the better! This post is full of exclamations! Did you notice?