Letter to the Bank #2

Dear Bank,

I’m concerned. I have not heard from you. Is something wrong? Is it the fact that so many people are defaulting on their debts? I can see how that must be quite worrying. But you are not alone. I happen to know the whole world is quite concerned right now—VERY concerned. It appears that the banks, with the possible exception of yours (?), have extended loans that people clearly could not repay at absurdly favorable yet unsustainable interest. Do you not find that beyond belief?

I have to ask though—did you take the proposal I made in my last letter into consideration? It was a good one I think, one that could resolve our relationship quite nicely.
As I am courting you as a potential customer I am anxious to not get too heavy handed and therefore will keep up my end of the bargain and will keep paying down my credit cards for the time being. We will give it another thirty days—how about that? If you still have not returned my artwork in that time I shall be forced to assume my debts are now considered to be in a state of diminishment. We shall assume you are renting my artwork on a monthly basis. The monthly rental fee is:

Let me know if these terms are acceptable. No response shall be taken as a yes. Of course if you should prefer to buy the artwork outright that would be wonderful, or if you should chose to return it that would be wonderful too. I miss the succor and encouragement that particular drawing brings me. What a shame if your workforce should be deprived of the same!

Yours sincerely,

K

Letter to the Bank #1

Dear Bank,

With the world going to hell in a hand basket I thought it might be nice if we could come to an equitable arrangement concerning my debt. To you I am confident the monnies I owe represent but a drop in the infinite ocean of your holdings and so it is without reservation that I, anxious to maintain my dignity in the face of overwhelming odds, am offering you an artwork. As we all know (who know anything) art is worth more than money (as is all human life) and so it seems more than kind of me to offer you a drawing for your corporate collection the price of which is a mere cancellation of above mentioned debt.

In a rare act and one not likely to be repeated I enclose an original drawing. If you choose to return the drawing that is your prerogative but I urge you to consider your decision carefully. You are drowning in money and I am throwing you the life raft of Art!

However if you should choose to return the enclosed drawing please do so within thirty days or else I will unfortunately be compelled to apply that crude and distasteful mechanism called Interest to our dealings. That Interest shall be in direct proportion to the interest and minimum monthly payment your bank asks of me. This seems fare wouldn’t you say?

I do hope you enjoy the enclosed artwork and decide to acquire it. It will so cheer up your employees and happy employees make for a happy work environment, which as we all know, can only help us all in the end.

Yours sincerely,

K

Enclosed-my first portrait of Bernard Madoff (3" x 3")-ink on post-it-note

Ponzi

In this Jan. 20, 1935, file photo, Charles Ponzi is shown in the garden of his home in Rome, Italy, after being deported from the United States. Ponzi was an Italian immigrant who cheated investors in Boston out of about $10 million in 1919 and 1920 in a short-lived scheme involving the use of outdated exchange rates for European currency. Ponzi was convicted of mail fraud in 1920 and served time in prison before being deported to Italy in 1934. (AP Photo, File) - AP

Rotten Eggs

Stocks

"We built the house of cards your retirement depends on."
Swirsky Templeton